If you were to punch someones front tooth out, hand them a can of Fosters Lager and ask them what they thought of the taste, they would say --"Pith" or "Pithy"

DeLay: My Adultery Was Different Than Gingrich's

The difference between his own adultery and Gingrich's, he said, was that his was longer and thicker. .

Bird @!$%#s on Bush During Press Conference

You know my mother told me birds only do that to bad people and I believe her.
If they could just organise themselves into flocks we could have a credible opposition.

FOX Is Most Balanced News

Fox is most balanced news and remember kids you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex.

Scientists to Make Cows Fart Like Kangaroos to Cool the Planet

Fart me an arctic.

Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

Kids, always remember, when having sex with a picnic table, always wear a condiment.

Pornography Statistics 2007

Every 1.04 minutes, the equivalent of an Olympic swimming pools volume of spent ejaculate is triggered by the internet.
Ok I confess i just made that up.

What are your best reasons for living?

The avoidance of decomposition.

Gonzales Aide Won't Testify in Senate

For a guy instrumental in legitimising torture, I think the term "really pained" might be just a tad overblown.

7 Weapons That Changed Warfare

Propaganda's the bullet, media's the gun.we're lucky the last 20 years it's been set on 'stun'.

FEMA Official Gets Dunked in New Orleans

See if we could just put aside our differences and drown one another the world would be such a better place.

Hezbollah IS pure evil.

No it isn't, I've seen pure evil, it's a thick paste.

Rice sees bombs as birth pangs

It's more like a sustained explosive ejaculation but I guess that's not quite maternal enough.....So Rwanda was like a Cesarean ?

Mick Jagger 'used bees to enlarge his manhood'

It takes a steady hand but i've found an orbital sander increases sensitivity.

Colombia clowns killed on stage

I pity the shooters. We clowns have an underground network that makes drug cartels look like a retirement home's residents association.
Masters of disguise, able to infiltrate societies at will, above suspicion.
And bitter and imaginative. I must go now and sharpen my pies.

Witchdoctor orders Serb to have sex with hedgehog

The hedgehog was apparently unhurt. Flattered possibly, satisfied no, able to tell the other Hedgehogs a long embellished story without interruption, certainly.

With 13% of its Female Population Pregnant - Ohio High School Drops Abstinence Only Sex Ed

My school was Saint Victor the Insufferable's home for wayward woman, Every student was pregnant (and deeply ashamed) The nuns who taught used to wear bikinis just to taunt the girls with their lack of stretchmarks. I was actually born there prematurely, my mother was a student and as an example of the feral monsters that are the byproduct of illicit premarital intercourse I was kept on and lived in a crawlspace between the walls and was only brought out to introduce new students to the hell that awaited them.
I received quite a good education and really enjoy attending the bastard reunions that are held every 5 years.
But perhaps I've divulged too much.

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Breaking: Muxtape Hacked

Jacob Nicolas

Wed May 21

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